Our Attitude.
Lillian was a lovely lady, a great participant in our discussion group. She often reminded us that whenever she said to herself that, “tonight I am going to enjoy myself”, she invariably did. Maybe she enacted a positive attitude. From that, her glow bounced off others and things were good.
I know that I have gone out many an evening with absolutely the wrong attitude. Following a plethora of issues it was very difficult to be positive. Loss, grief, upset, micro/mini/medium-ish trauma.
It took effort, it took resolve, it took a lot to sort my situation out.
I knew what the key things that needed to be done were.
I set about making things happen. It was not easy.
I got a dance collaborator. I had some enjoyable distractions (trading). I turned things around. My attitude changed thereafter. I go out now with much more positivity. I interact more positivity. My attitude is better. This is not some glib fantasy piece. It is my reckoning with myself.
The downward spiral
When we are downhearted, depressive of sorts, people steer clear.
One would assume that there would sympathy flowing endlessly.
Unfortunately, few want to hang about listening to down-beat sad dramas. We can 'fake it until we make it'. We can put on a pretence.
It is not easy. What we want to do is dwell in a pit of despair. And have others share our sorrows.
Sad songs are popular. Sad, blues. We find such music cathartic, energising and helpful rather than saddening. A counter-intuitive thing indeed.
I wonder if true-crime stories are so popular because they make people feel better. To see others suffering badly makes our situation more sufferable. I enjoyed watching lots of war films when I was in my down period.
One can stop feeling. All the emotional reserves gone, spent on the recent trouble. No more tears to shed. Caring less about the world hence forth. Less empathy, less connection. The empathy returned soon enough. Things shifted back to a better state similar to how things were before the troubles began. It wasn’t a case of being grateful for things. Nor feeling overly pleased that I had the experiences. Too many thoughts relate to the fact that I am not able to continue in the exciting vein that preceded the troubles. It was a case of working out what needed to be done.
Highlighting the obvious helps here. If you are hungry, only food will help. If you are tired, sleep will help. We have needs. Those needs need to be addressed. We need conversations. Most of us do anyway. We need to do certain things. No amount of thinking, studying, watching advice films will help. We must physically, eat, sleep and interact to solve our problem. To get out of the downward spiral where people avoid you, where interactions are not very good, where you stop tending to your appearance, where you become ever more gloomy, one must physically organise things.
I can’t help you get out of a downward spiral. What I can do is tell you that to get out of my doom loop I made physical changes. I pushed through to get the things that I wanted. In some areas the things I turned into reality were not as fine and dandy as could be, but they were certainly on the right track. One person made a huge difference. One thing, one evening a week was transformative. It gave me the ‘energy’ to be more positive elsewhere.
We live in our own bubble with concerns that concern us. Concerns that others will only have a limited amount of sympathy for. Only we, us ourselves can fix our issues. People can help us, aid us, and make it better, but we have to plan and execute the plan.
You know. I do not need to tell you that when you go in somewhere with a positive attitude things are better. A lot better.
The Chinese say, all journeys start with the first step. There is good reason why that saying sticks. The moment you plan a way forward which will lead to your attitude improving, you are on the way. The journey may be a long one, but it feels good to be on the way.
Out attitude towards the work we need to get done. Attitude towards chores and jobs. Attitude here there and everywhere. I suspect our attitude can be affected by how much time pressure we are under. The fix? Plan things which will give you more time perhaps. Simple. Maybe it is that simple?. It is your life, your trouble, your success and your choice. Your problems, you decide.
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