The includer

The subject

Some people are great at sparking off a conversation, some struggle: I ask shop staff, waitresses or anyone anywhere, whether they are enjoying themselves. It allows them to say anything they want and answer how they please. Asking someone if they are busy can be irritating. It is either obvious or a signal they are not doing enough. “You have lost some weight”, can be a huge compliment to some, but others take it as a suggestion that they are not looking after themselves. Telling someone that they look tired doesn’t always go down well either.

We all have curiosity, but we are interested in different things. It is hard to stoke excitement from people that have no interest, no understanding and little grounding in certain subjects. However, we can engage in dialogue that strays away from our normal preferred topics to fit in and be a part of a lot more conversations. We may loath certain subjects, but we can look for an angle that can be talked about to stay involved. One may not want to listen to someone talking about a subject that is of little interest to you for three hours straight. However, I always uncover noteworthy titbits, things that help in conversations with others. I listen and learn. And what I learn has utility. It is considerationally selfish, nice, to listen and hear the passion and excitement. Listening is kindness. In moderation.

Where are you from? What do you do for a living? Have you been here before? Et cetera. It can get monotonous especially after the fourth group you bump into reel these standard questions off. You have impeccable good sense to listen. You end up talking about a whole host of interesting things after but decide to take a different approach. Out go the chat up lines, in comes the discourse, non-anticipatable discourse. Statements, commentary, or maybe rhetorical questions that lead people to join in. “The birds wanted a tree there, so they fetched some seeds last year.” Sometimes I have had to try several themes to get a bite, but it is worth it. There is less competition, less ‘I have done more than you’. More a conversation of equals, where all of us enjoy the communication for communications sake and no hidden agenda.